Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
