Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
