I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
