So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
