We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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