Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
