what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
