your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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