I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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