I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
