I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
