so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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