How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize