If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
