If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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