Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
