Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
