i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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