Too much gin, very little bucket
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
