Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
