He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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