the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
