wrigley field is MILF paradise
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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