I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i drank out of a bidet.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
