I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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