that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
