so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
