he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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