Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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