She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
