Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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