ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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