I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
