so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize