Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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