i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
