Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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