is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
