he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
