I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
