The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You smell like stripper and shame
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
