If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
