Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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