The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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