Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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