96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
