My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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