So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
