my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
