im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
