If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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