we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
