take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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