my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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