jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
