So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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