my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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