I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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