my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
