went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
