so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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