apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
