Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
