I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
