the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
