and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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