I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
