The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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