Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Welp...herpes.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
