How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
