i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
