You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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