dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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