I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
