I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize