I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
