Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I touched a dick in church today
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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