good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
