I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
