I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
