Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
