That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
