Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
