OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
