I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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