Im at strip club and am horny
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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