my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
