I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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