Im at strip club and am horny
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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