I hope mine doesn't look like that
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
