I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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