the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
