you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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