so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
