I wish I could teleport
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You pole danced in your parka.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
