So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
