Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
