my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize