Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
