I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
