Need sex. Gaining weight.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
