Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
