Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
