but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
