I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize