i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
