Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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